Grown-ups

When i was around 10 years old, i was leery of the older, larger kids. 'teenagers' seemed to have it all figured out. After becoming a teen myself, i realized that it was, in fact, adults that had the good life. they could drink legally, drive wherever they wanted, and seemed to have all the freedom in the world. At around age 19, i kind of dreaded getting older. All of the responsibilities heaped on people 22+ seemed daunting, and i kind of figured that fun stopped being had around that age, also.

This weekend proved me wrong. I went to two weddings, and 50% of them really left an impression on me. One of the weddings was elegant, tasteful, and sweet; exactly what i would expect out of adults. the other, however, was almost the opposite.

At first glance, this was a dignified affair: delicious food, people dressed to the 9's, and a well-stocked open bar. it was this last ingredient that really pushed things over the edge within the first hour. Pitchers of sangria populated every table, and it quickly became apparent that the night was on a downhill slide when the groom started grinding with the bride in such a manner that the video of it belonged more on Skinemax than on Oxygen. after another hour, many of the male attendees shirts were nowhere to be found, and they staggered the dance floor like zombies, searching for ass instead of brains. the groom's shirt (and undershirt, vest, and suit jacket) were ripped from his torso as if they were on fire. he danced vigorously with his eyes closed, making sure everyone in attendance (including his mother, father, and daughter) knew that he was completely incapable of rational thought.

at first i was part of the spectacle: i enjoy a rowdy time as much as the next 20-something. as soon as my buddy got really drunk, i cut myself off so that i could drive his car home a few hours later. having a sober brain with which to assess the damage was a huge drawback for me, because objectively witnessing such a shocking disregard for tradition was a real eye-opener.

Gone are the days of thinking that people over 25 don't have fun. i now know that people of all ages are just looking for a good time.

The Slippery Slope

Remember when 'doing shots' used to be a good way to pregame and get a little buzz before going out? That was rhetorical, everyone remembers. It was a great time to propose a toast to a good night, getting girls, and remembering everything you were about to do. As the years have ticked by, shots have become more and more elusive, and much more dangerous at the same time. Here is the rundown of age versus fun when it comes to shots over the course of a decade:

17: shots are illegal, potent, and fun. people pass out in bathtubs and bushes.

19: still fun, and possibly allow you to view breasts without having to first buy dinner at chilis.

21: the addition of shots in bars makes toasts harder and therefor more genuine. screaming 'TO FRIENDSHIP' seems appropriate and fun.

Fast-forward

27: shots are legal, potent, and fun. people pass out in bathtubs and bushes.

This scale indicates that shot-taking peaks at a certain age. my guess would be that around age 25, stop taking shots altogether, unless you enjoy blacking out, unprotected sex, or screaming horrible things at law enforcement personnel.